


Sensible Heart

by celestialnavigation



Series: 22 Drinks 'Verse [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Arguing, Banter, Future Fic, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-01
Updated: 2011-10-01
Packaged: 2017-10-24 05:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialnavigation/pseuds/celestialnavigation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even with a 10 year mating dance, getting together was the easy part. Being together? That's something else. Or, that one where Kurt and Dave argue a lot but it doesn't really matter, except when it matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sensible Heart

"Hi honey, I'm ho--ow, fuck! Ow, ow, ow!" Kurt writhes on the floor clutching his knee. He glares at Karofsky's gym shoes, the bane of his existence. He climbs to his feet and grabs one of the shoes. "I swear to god, Karofsky," he yells, "if you don't stop taking these disgusting things off right inside the door I will light them on fire!"

He throws the shoe with full force towards the corner between the bedroom and kitchen doors. Unfortunately, his aim is off and Karofsky takes that moment to walk out of the kitchen, wiping his hands off and saying, "Hey, I thought I heard you com--" he cuts off with a choked gurgle as the shoe connects directly with his crotch. His face goes completely white and he sinks slowly to the floor, clutching himself and wheezing pathetically.

Kurt claps his hands over his mouth in horror. "Oh my god!" He rushes over to Karofsky and drops down next to him, ignoring the twinge in his knee. "Are you okay? Are you dying? Oh god, did I break it? I hope not. I really like your cock," he says mournfully. He waves his hands around uncertainly until he gingerly pats his boyfriend on the head.

"Did you," Karofsky asks between choked gasps for air, "just pat me like I'm a fucking dog?"

"Well, I don't know what to do!" Kurt exclaims, affronted. He removes his hand quickly because, even if he's not a dog, he's not entirely sure Karofsky won't bite him.

"You just hit me in the dick with a goddamn shoe, Hummel!" Karofsky is still clutching his groin and panting but Kurt notices his breathing is getting more even, which is a good sign.

Kurt brushes his hair back. "I'm really, really sorry. If it helps, I wasn't aiming for your dick. Plus, it's your shoe and you're the one who keeps leaving them where I trip over them every time I walk in the door. I mean, really, this is all your fault if you think about it," he points out helpfully.

"It's my fault."

"...Yes?"

"It's my fault you threw a shoe and hit me in the junk?"

"Well, yes. If you'd just put your shoes away like I keep ask--" He stops as Karofsky leverages himself slowly to his feet and starts walking away. Well, it's more like he's hobbling, Kurt observes. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go lie down and groan quietly to myself until my broken dick recovers," Karofsky mutters. "If it recovers," he adds darkly.

Kurt sits on the floor and thinks for a moment before he calls out, "Does this mean we're not having sex tonight?"

*****

Dave finds Hummel curled up on the couch in the living room, watching _RuPaul's Drag Race_ reruns. "Have you seen my green plaid shirt?"

"Oh, I threw it out," Hummel replies, not looking away from the screen. "It was so old and faded and there was a tear in the shoulder."

"You threw it out?" Dave isn't sure he heard correctly. "Because of a fucking torn seam?"

Hummel looks at him now, puzzled. "And because it was old. But that's okay," he adds with a cheerful smile. "I did some shopping the other day and I picked up a few new things for you."

"I saw," Dave grits out. "I'm not wearing that stuff."

"But why not? They're your size and the colors I chose will go wonderfully with your skin tone."

"That's not the fucking point." He sits down next to Hummel, who is staring at him like he's lost his mind. "They're not me. I like what you wear, Hummel. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel like I needed a map and a combination code to get in your pants but your shit is awesome. It's hot and it's you. But I'm jeans and t-shirts and polos and my green plaid button-down. I like that shit. I feel comfortable in that shit. And you don't have any right to throw out the shit I like or treat me like your personal dress-up doll, okay?"

"I just want you to look your best," Hummel says in a small voice, his eyes wide and confused. Dave feels terrible because he hates it when his boyfriend gives him that look but he's got to take a stand now or he'll find himself one day wearing some contraption with multiple buckles and fucking satin or something and wonder how in the hell he got there.

"Would you dump me if I didn't wear the clothes you got me?" Dave asks, not backing down.

"Of course not!"

"Then why are you even trying to change me?"

Hummel looks thoughtful, then chagrined. "I'm sorry. I really am, Karofsky." He takes Dave's hand and pulls him down on the couch next to him. "I'm not trying to change you, I promise."

Dave wraps his arm around his boyfriend and tugs him close. "I know." He thinks for a minute then says, "I'll make you a deal. I get to wear what I want at work and shit but when we go out on dates you can dress me. Sound cool?"

"That," Hummel replies, his eyes sparkling, "sounds perfect." He kisses Dave on the cheek, lets go of his hand, and stands up.

"Where are you going?"

Hummel grins. "The dumpster. I know where that green shirt is and I have a torn seam to sew."

*****

Kurt storms into the apartment and slams the door behind him.

Karofsky looks up from his book. "It didn't go well?" he asks mildly.

Kurt gives him a withering glare. "You could say that." He flops down on the sofa. "I am done, Karofsky. _Done_. I know you want me to get along with Azimio because he's your best friend and that's why you always arrange these ridiculous outings for the two of us whenever he's in town but I'm not doing it anymore. I can't. He's just...he's...ugh!"

"Come on, you've barely spent any time with him," Karofsky says. "I know he's a dumbass but he's a good guy."

"The last time you made us do this he asked me if it was hard to find skirts and high heels in my size," Kurt snaps. "And every time I see him he asks if my ass is raw from being fucked all the time."

Karofsky snorts, amused. "You could just tell him you fuck me just as much as I fuck you."

"You're missing the point," Kurt says. "It's none of his business what we do in bed. Besides," he adds sulkily, "I did tell him that. He just laughed and said 'there's no way my boy Karofsky would take it up the ass'. Oh, and today he asked me, and I quote, 'if you and Dave have a baby do you have to get a c-section or will it come out your butt?'."

Karofsky can't help it. He starts cracking up, laughing even harder when Kurt smacks him on the shoulder.

"It's not funny!" Kurt yelps. "I know you're happy he was more or less comfortable with you coming out but it's like the only way he can process the reality of you being gay is if he thinks of your boyfriend as a woman with a penis. And I'm pretty sure he suspects I don't have a penis." He waits for Karofsky to stop laughing before he continues in a more serious tone. "Karofsky, I'm not joking here. I know he's your best friend but you have got to talk to him. What he says to me...it's still homophobia and it's still damaging even if it's not slurs or physical violence."

Karofsky stops grinning and gives him a searching look. "You're really upset about this?"

"Yes, of course I am," Kurt says, annoyed. "And before you talk to him I think you should read about sissyphobia yourself, since you seem to find what he says so funny."

Kurt watches Karofsky's face as he thinks about what Kurt has said. "Okay," Karofsky finally says.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I won't ask you to hang out with him alone anymore and I'll talk to him." Karofsky tugs Kurt closer, pulling Kurt's feet into his lap and unlacing his boots. He starts rubbing Kurt's feet and Kurt wriggles his toes in pleasure. "He's my friend and I know he doesn't mean to be a shit, but he's ignorant. Maybe I am too. But ignorance is no excuse for making you feel bad." He lifts one foot up and kisses the arch. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how much it hurts you."

Kurt cuddles closer, feeling the tension in his body dissipate. "Thank you," he says.

Karofsky continues to rub his feet and Kurt thinks he might drift off into a nap when he hears, "Did he really ask if you would shit out a baby?"

*****

"We're not having this discussion again," Hummel says in that overly calm voice Dave finds so maddening sometimes. "We have it at least once a week and it never goes anywhere."

"All I'm saying is, it's been six months. You've already brought half your wardrobe here--"

"Oh silly, silly man," Hummel says with an affectionate pat to Dave's cheek. "If you think this is even half of half of my wardrobe, it's like you don't even know me at all."

"Fine," Dave replies. "Whatever. I just don't see what the big deal is. I'm here, Quinn is here, your whole family except Finn is here, a lot of your stuff is here...why won't you just fucking move in already?"

Hummel snorts. "With a charming offer like that, how can I possibly refuse?" He glares at Dave. "I'm not moving back to Lima. Ever. Why don't you move to Cincy? My apartment is filled with a lot of your things already and it's a lovely city with a lot to offer."

"I just bought a bar here!"

"A bar that has low overhead and makes a good profit," Hummel points out. "You have a great staff and you don't need to be there from noon until three in the morning every day."

Dave clenches his jaw. "No, but I do have to be there several nights a week and it's a two hour commute. You really want me coming home at five a.m. half the week? Or," he adds, knowing this will stir up Hummel's tendency to worry, "do you really want me making that drive so late when I'm tired from a nine hour shift?"

Hummel nibbles on his thumbnail, a sure sign that Dave has scored a point. "Well...no. Of course not. But...I'm not moving back to Lima, Karofsky."

"And I'm not moving to Cincinnati."

They both sigh and fall silent for several minutes. Hummel trails one hand up Dave's bare thigh, making him shiver. "Are we done?" Hummel asks, drawing figure eights on Dave's hip with one finger.

"I think so," Dave responds, gasping when Hummel's hand loosely grasps his cock.

"Fantastic. Well, if we're finished with this week's 'you move,' 'no, you move' argument, can we get to the make-up sex part now?"

Dave grins. "Jesus fuck, _yes_."

*****

Kurt sidles up behind Karofsky and wraps his arms around his boyfriend's waist. "Can we talk about something?"

Karofsky stiffens. "I didn't do anything! Even my gym shoes are in the bedroom closet."

"No, no, it's not...you didn't do anything _wrong_ , per se," Kurt says soothingly, pressing a kiss to Karofsky's back. "It's just...you love my ass."

Karofsky turns around and pulls back to look Kurt in the face. He raises an eyebrow. "Is this a trick question?"

Kurt shakes his head. "No, I--god, I don't know how to say this. I love that you love my ass. Believe me, I _love_ how much you love my ass. I just...well..."

"I have no clue what you're trying to say here, Hummel," Karofsky says.

"Okay, look," Kurt tries again, waving his hands helplessly. "Sometimes you come home from the bar and it's late and you haven't shaved all day and we start fooling around and...Do you get what I mean?"

"No idea."

"Beard burn!" Kurt blurts. "When you go down on my ass that late at night I get beard burn. On my ass." He blushes so hard he's pretty sure his face could heat an entire city for the whole winter. Karofsky stares at him then bursts out laughing. Kurt glares at him. "Stop laughing, you oaf. It hurts. I've had to start using ointment some mornings. Ointment!"

"What do you expect me to do?" Karofsky asks, still chuckling. "It's not exactly romantic for me to plan ahead, like 'oh, I feel like eating out my boyfriend's ass tonight, maybe I should shave before I leave work.' I don't plan this shit, you know. I get home, I'm tired, but then I see you and your amazing, delicious ass and the last thing on my mind is shaving, you know?"

Kurt smiles. "I'm flattered, I truly am." He steps foward and presses against Karofsky, running his hands up and down his boyfriend's sides. "Please just think about it...shave before you leave or maybe as soon as you get home."

"Or I could just stop rimming you, Hummel," Karofsky teases. "I mean, if it's causing you that much trouble..."

"That is an awful thing to say," Kurt gasps, pressing a hand to his heart.

Karofsky kisses Kurt on the forehead. "I'll pick up some shaving supplies on my way to the bar tomorrow." He presses another, lingering kiss to Kurt's lips and Kurt happily melts into him. When he pulls back he adds, "You could always come in and remind me, of course. We could see right away how that smooth skin thing is working for you."

Kurt's skin tingles as he imagines carefully shaving his boyfriend then bending over the scarred desk in the storage room that also serves as Karofsky's office. He returns Karofsky's kiss with interest. "Mmm," he hums when he pulls away. "I think I can do that. In fact, frequent reminders may be very, very necessary."

*****

"No."

Dave sighs. It's not like he wasn't expecting it but it still stings a little each time.

Hummel reaches across the table and takes his hand. "Hey, you know it has nothing to do with you, or with us, right?"

"You keep saying that but how can I not take it personally when you've told me - what is it, six times now? - that you won't marry me?"

"You know my reasons," Hummel starts.

Dave yanks his hand away. "Excuses," he spits, frustrated. "They're excuses."

"They're not and you know it."

"I know, I know," Dave says angrily, then lowers his voice before they draw attention from the other diners. "You refuse to get married until we're legally allowed to get married in every state. I get it. You've certainly told me enough times."

"Then why won't you believe me when I tell you that's the _only_ reason I won't marry you?" Hummel retorts. "I'm making a stand. It's important to me."

Dave sits back in his seat and crosses his arms. "More important than me?"

Hummel looks wounded. "That's not fair."

"Yeah, well maybe I'm starting to think you're just not in this as much as I am and you're using your precious stand as a reason to keep from making a commitment."

Hummel gapes at him. "Are you kidding me?" he hisses. "We've been together for almost three years. We're buying a house together, we've talked about starting a family...how can you even doubt for a _second_ how much I love you?" He throws his napkin on the table and storms out the restaurant door.

Dave stares at the crumpled napkin and sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Shit." He throws some bills on the table and follows Hummel out the door. He chases his boyfriend down the sidewalk and grabs his elbow. "Hummel, stop. I'm sorry, okay?"

"I'm in this just as much as you are," Hummel says quietly, refusing to look at Dave.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I want to marry you someday, I promise."

"I know," Dave repeats.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm not doing this to keep from making a commitment to you. I'm really not," Hummel says. He turns and gazes searchingly at Dave. "As far as I'm concerned, we're already married in my mind and my heart. A piece of paper isn't going to make that more true."

"But that piece of paper is important to me," Dave counters softly. "It's just a piece of paper, I know, but it means something that I can't really explain. And I want the whole mess that comes along with it. The ceremony and all that shit. I want to stand up in front of everyone we know and commit to spending my life with you because I love you."

"I know," Hummel acknowledges. "I can't marry you now...but we're getting closer. Nineteen states so far and more are legalizing it every year. And the Supreme Court may make a decision in our favor as soon as next year."

Dave studies Hummel. "I hate this," he finally says. "I just fucking hate it."

Hummel nods. "I know you do. I'm not happy either. Just...please be patient?"

"For you?" Dave chuckles and takes Hummel's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I waited almost ten years before you'd even date me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," Hummel says with a hesitant smile. "I'm not going anywhere either."

"I'm going to keep asking you, you know."

Hummel's smile grows wider. "I hope you do."

"And one day you're going to say yes." Dave lifts their joined hands and kisses Hummel's knuckles.

"I will."

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic is from the song of the same title by City and Colour.


End file.
